I HATE TODAY. sorry guys, a HUGE rant coming up. About all the problems in my life &how my family isn't helping at all. Sometimes they can be the biggest bitches. FML ! probably worst feeling i'll ever experience is today.

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 I'm the youngest. But i don't get spoiled how my older siblings does. My sister gets everything first. The first laptop, the first ipod classic, the first ipod video, and the first itouch. From this day on, i still don't have an ipod. I know i shouldn't complain but why does she get everything first and i get her crappy ipods when she gets the newest ones? WHY?!?! Same with clothings. My parents expects me to get her hand-me-downs. Even though i get her hand-me-downs, it still doesn't fit me. I don't get the dilemma. Our size are WAY off too. She's like a M/L while i'm a XS/S. In H&M, i'm a size 2/4 and she's a 6/8/10. They tell me i'll grow and then i'll fit. yeah, by the time i fit it which i probably still won't because i see some adults buying size 2/4, the style might be out or the clothing might be worn out. I hate it. Exactly why she has more stuff than me. I know she's older and she gets more previledge, but do i get nothing? Whenever i go shopping with my parents she always tag along, like my birthday present, and she even buy more than me. WTF? it's my birthday not yours. On with computers; she broke her laptop, and she gets one right away. It's not even her birthday or the holidays and she gets one. WHY? But me, computerless for 2 months, have to wait and play on a crappy chinese computer. I HAVE to wait till christmas to get my new laptop. &when i wanted to buy the Macbook Air, my dad said it was too expensive. EXPENSIVE? i don't see you complaining when you were buying her ipod classic, new at the time, around $500, her computer that she broke which was about $1200. Mine, a Macbook, which is a good brand, is expensive when you want to get me something? &it has to be on the holidays. Why couldn't you get me one during October or November? You got her one right before school started in August. Now, i'm stuck with a Macbook Pro which i regret getting cause it's the same as my little cousin. he's only 11 and he got a Macbook Pro, same as mine. &i have to get the same when i'm older than him, i should've gotten a Macbook Air. UNFAIR ! My christmas, the only thing i've gotten and i'm not even satisfied with it. i know i shouldn't complain cause my brother got NOTHING yet. But why does jenny get everything and i have to get her leftovers? i know she's older but WHY? Once in awhile is alright, i understand, but ALL THE FUCKING TIME gets me irritated and heated. My dad always give her money when all she does is translate shit, HELLO?, she's suppose to help you, YOU raised her, give her shelter, food, and shatter her with gifts, and now she gets paid for translating simple shit and gets few hundreds? Not only that, she delays that shit too. what i want to say is; WHY DOES SHE GET EVERYTHING FIRST AND THE BEST WHILE I GET HER LEFTOVERS AND THE CRAPPY SHIT. WHEN I WANT SOMETHING NEW FOR THE HOLIDAYS YOU COULD'NT EVEN GET ME WHAT I WANTED AND SAID IT WAS TOO EXPENSIVE. I DIDN'T WANNA HURT YOUR WALLET UNLIKE JENNY SO I BOUGHT THE MACBOOK PRO. I AM SO UNSATISFIED WITH IT THAT I WANT TO RETURN IT AND BUY THE MACBOOK AIR MYSELF. IF I DO THAT, I GOT NOTHING FOR CHRISTMAS AND LOSE $119 FOR OPENING IT. SEE MY POINT? SOMETIMES I HATE MY LIFE. I NEVER GET ANYTHING FIRST. ALL I DO IS SIT AND WATCH PEOPLE IN SCHOOL PLAY WITH THEIR ITOUCH/PHONE WHILE I LOOK AT THEM. I know i shouldn't be complaining and be grateful for everything i have but there comes a point where you just have a limit to things and when it continues on for too long, you just explode.  i cried my eyes out yesterday. when i woke up my eyes were red.

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On to yesterday's shopping experience. I HATED IT ! Shopping for me? for the sake of me? NO ! it wasn't primerely for me but for you and jenny too. 1) for you to go to Treasure Island to check in 2) also for the sake for jenny. Then for me, you went to the wrong mall i wanted to go to, it wasn't even for me and my satisfication. I started crying when we were at TI, but i guess you never noticed. Then we went to Miracle Mile Shop, which i didn't wanna go to. YES, I SAID I WANTED TO GO THERE YESTERDAY BUT NOT TODAY. GUESS YOU WEREN'T LISTENING AGAIN. TYPICAL. walked around and did nothing but look for jenny's itouch case. You said it was for my sake that you had to drive here for me? No, it was for her. Yup, end of discussion. Next time, i will be smart enough. I won't go shopping with jenny. You always focus your attention toward her. It's either i go shopping for myself. Cause most of the things i buy, you don't approve anyways. So pointless. I will go to the H&M flagship myself. I don't need you to drive me. I will go myself with me and my friends when we can drive. Relying on you? wait a lifetime. Every time we're at Vegas we just stay in the hotel and play computer. How it that different in San Francisco? It's the same thing but a different place. &you just bring me to a mall so crappy and not even my choice, you feel like i owe you. NO. Cause i bought nothing. there's nothing to be thankful for. I feel so stupid for tearing up just by writing this. I got FEELINGS too, not just you. I promised myself that i won't waste my tears over this pointless stuff, but i just can't. All this bullshit made such a big impact on my life.  Sometimes i HATE living in this family.  There is constant fighting, yelling, and attitude/mood turnoffs. Plus, i don't feel safe with my wallet or money lying around the house. My thief sister will take it and use it. NOTHING is safe in the house. How ironic is that? LOL. I have to hide my money, or my items. Or else she'll hide it herself and i'll never see it again or use it. YUP, that's the kind of surrounding i live in. & have to be careful if she ruins my shoes or clothes or computer. Even my bed, she throws stuff on it. like rocks or dirty hair balls. She's a messy and dirty person &i have to share rooms with her. It's disgusting. I don't even know why my parents like her more than me. She gets EVERYTHING. my dad gives her random money for her to buy food, clothes, ect. &i get nothing. It's not like my grades are worse than hers and its not like we didn't get into the same highschool. This just gets me so mad. -.- fuck this and fuck my family. @times they will be there to support me through shit happening in my life but they also give me the worst feeling ever. They make me feel like shit. They only like my sister better. She's selfish too. Only cares for herself. If i ask for her help, she'll just say why should i help you? HELLO. you should help me cause we're a family. Guess i'll never have this close family/sibling vibe. Well not in this family atleast. Yes, i know, end of my long rant.